Anyone For Tennis, Wouldn’t That Be Nice?

Below is a sampling of song lyrics that use tennis as a metaphor, this is fascinating stuff. Note especially how many artists focus on the violent aspects of the sport in song. Please comment if you have a tennis lyric that I have overlooked.

Bob Dylan, “I Shall Be Free No. 10″

I sat with my high-heeled sneakers on
Waiting to play tennis in the noonday sun
I had my white shorts rolled up past my waist
And my wig-hat falling in my face
But they wouldn’t let me on the tennis court.

Limp Bizkit, “Just Drop Dead”

You gotta lotta **** nerve!
Ya think this is a ****’ tennis match? (****!)
Time for me to serve
John Mackinroe
Ready for me ****?
Its 15-love
Where **** they gonna go? (Huh?)

XTC, “Living Through Another Cuba”

We’re the bulldog on the fence
while others play their tennis overhead
it’s hardly love all and somebody might
wind up red or dead
pour some oil on the water quick
it doesn’t really matter where from
he love me, he loves me not
he’s pulling fins from an atom bomb

This phenomenon happens every 20 years or so
if they’re not careful your watch won’t be the
only thing with a radioactive glow
I’ll stick my fingers in my ears
and hope they make it up before too late
if we get through this lot alright
they’re due for replay, 1998

Kid Rock, “Paid”

This ain’t tennis,
but yo I’ll use my backhand
On any grown man who tries to check Rock
I wanna headbang, I gotta hip-hop

ICP (Insane Clown Posse), “Blaaam!!!”

Hotties on the wizzle
Still a juggalizzle
I drive a platinum car
You’re the lucky one
It has a tennis court and a bar
You know who I are
Money out the ****
You’re the lucky one

The Roots, “No Great Pretender”

The mic is my apprentice, cause I can’t stand
courts or tennis, my pigmentation is the menace

Primus, “Coddingtown”

I went down to Coddingtown
It seemed the thing to do
You can get it all down there
From tennis balls to glue
Standin’ up in the ol’ smoke shop
Met a girl named Honey Pie
If you shamble long enough
You wanna go, you gotta go

2Pac, “The Realist Killaz”
(featuring 50 Cent)

You see me and chills run up your spine
Hardly even in the same war, but your heart ain’t like mine
Press, they look at me like I’m a menace
I was playin with guns
while your momma had your punk *** playin tennis

Bob Dylan, “Clean-Cut Kid”

He could’ve sold insurance, owned a restaurant or bar
He could’ve been an accountant or a tennis star…

They took a clean-cut kid
And they made a killer out of him
That’s what they did.

Ice-T, “Lifestyles Of The Rich And Infamous”

The plane’s a small one
No fun at all
Bouncin’ round the air
Like a tennis ball
When it touches down
I wanna kiss the ground
But it’s time to wreck a new town

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, “Babe, I’m On Fire”

The sports commentator says it
The old alligator says it
The tennis pro with his racquet
The loon in the straight jacket
Babe, I’m on fire
Babe, I’m on fire

Wu-Tang Clan, “It’s Yourz”

With root beer thoughts, here’s a tennis court
for your birthday, the babyface of rap politic with Sade

Notorious B.I.G., “I Love the Dough”

We hit makers with acres
Roll shakers in Vegas, you can’t break us
Lost chips on Lakers, gassed off Shaq
Country house, tennis courts on horseback
Ridin decidin cracked crab or lobster
Who say mobsters don’t prosper

The Shins, “Turn A Square”

She shone up bright like a knife
Wearing tennis shorts made of stripes
…
And I’m a walking cliche
When such a creature I sight

Cream, “Anyone For Tennis”

Twice upon a time in the valley of the tears
The auctioneer is bidding for a box of fading years
And the elephants are dancing on the graves of squealing mice.
Anyone for tennis, wouldn’t that be nice?

And the ice creams are all melting on the streets of bloody beer
While the beggars stain the pavements with flourescent Christmas cheer
And the Bentley driving guru is putting up his price.
Anyone for tennis, wouldn’t that be nice?

And the prophets in the boutiques give out messages of hope
With jingle bells and fairy tales and blind colliding scopes
And you can tell they’re all the same underneath the pretty lies.
Anyone for tennis, wouldn’t that be nice?

The yellow Buddhist monk is burning brightly at the zoo
You can bring a bowl of rice and then a glass of water too
And fate is setting up the chessboard while death rolls out the dice.
Anyone for tennis, wouldn’t that be nice?